Don't Hesitate
by enderrushi
Summary: Light tended to act on his instincts - but this was an instinct he didn't even know he had. LxLight yaoi pairing, rating will probs go up, this is a terrible summary...I'll re-do it. Stubborn, fiery romance in the workplace eyyy..Only on the Kira Case.. Please read! (.. entices with flailing awkwardness..)
1. The Devil Made Me Do It

**Set during Volumes 5/6 of the manga, during when Higuchi has the death note but Light is still chained to L as L still highly suspects Light of being Kira. _(Light is angered. Punch/kick/punch/kick etc..Hilarity ensues as they get dragged around after each hit lands on their arguing opponent)._ L's pov coming soon...heh.**

 _-le fighting-_  
 _-le crash-to-the-floor-_

* * *

In his anger and frustration, Light didn't think. He just grabbed Ryuzaki by the hair and crushed their mouths together. Ryuzaki instantly froze. Light could feel his entire body stiffen - practically hear his brain ticking over; alarm bells going off at the unexpected and unwanted physical contact. Light himself stilled, shocked at his own actions; at what had appeared to be an instinctive _defiant_ reaction. Abruptly he pulled away, only a fraction, supporting himself with his weight. His hands splayed flat on the tiled floor beneath them both. Beneath _L_...who was in turn, beneath _him_. They were almost nose-to-nose, Ryuzaki's face white (-r than usual) with uncertain shock. Light could feel his pulse thumping through his veins; blood racing back to his heart which pounded furiously in his chest cavity. It felt like it would burst through his skin, tear through his muscles and flesh in a bloody spatter just to gain a greater expanse in which to sing. They breathed heavily. Light could feel, practically taste Ryuzaki's breath on his mouth, it was hot and -unsurprisingly- sweet. Then -

Ryuzaki's head tilted upwards ever-so-slightly, closer. Light felt a tiny hesitant shift in L's body as he leaned forward on his elbows. His pupils were dilated. His eyelids dipped. Light responded to the gentle hint of movement with his own. Their noses touched and their mouths caught. Their lips brushed, tentatively. It seemed to last all the way to the edge of the forever-expanding universe. Light _felt_ like he _was_ in space - his breathing stopped.

But in reality, it lasted for one cosmic second.

Then the voices returned from the hallway. Light's eyes widened in the reflection of Ryuzaki's and they ripped apart, on their feet and gasping. They stood as far apart as the chain would allow and it stretched taut between them, the links clinking softly. Aizawa, Mogi-San and Matsuda came back into the room. Matsuda stopped talking mid-sentence as he regarded them both, the overturned chair and scattered papers...and the undeniable tension flooding the monitor room.

He walked over to them, hands on his hips, "Have you guys been fighting again?! I thought we said it was a draw!"

"Give it a rest, Matsuda." Aizawa drawled, moving to the table to deposit a towering pile of paperwork with Mogi-San, his arms filled with the alike, "We shouldn't hide any problems between us, any disagreements should be discussed openly and dealt with. We should be focusing on the case."

"Exactly! So you guys shouldn't fight! Right?" Matsuda looked at them expectantly.

"Y-Yeah," Light managed. He turned away to the row of computer monitors, raising a hand to his bruised mouth which was, absurdly, throbbing.

"...Ryuzaki, don't you think you should lay off accusing Light of being Kira? Focus on finding out who the current Kira is, that's our top priority..."

"Very well, Matsuda-San. I shall refrain from verbally provoking Light-kun until after we catch the current Kira." Ryuzaki had already re-established himself in his previously vacated seat, a strawberry pierced on a fork that had miraculously appeared out of nowhere. His eyes were glazed but focused intently upon the computer screen in front of him, scanning back and forth across the monitor, evidently reading. Light looked away from the perched, sweet-munching Ryuzaki and sat down at his own laptop, wiggling the mouse to wake it from its hibernation. He tried to listen to the others, talking about the latest heart-attacks but he was failing spectacularly. He tried to focus, to clear his head but his body burned.

Ryuzaki's body had been hard and angular beneath him, but his skin had been soft; his lips had been tender. Light was surprised, even a little alarmed at himself for... _fretting?_ Like a _little schoolgirl..._ His heart was still pounding. The details were dizzying. He had had no romantic intentions in kissing Ryuzaki - he supposed its intent was similar, if not exactly the same as a punch-to-the-face. He was infuriated and resentful of the fact that Ryuzaki was still convinced that Light was, or had been Kira. L would never let up on his suspicions, forever laying down tests and traps in an attempt to trip Light up or to scorn a reaction worthy of Kira. As if the chain weren't already enough; they were handcuffed to each other every second of every day - they worked together constantly. Light was being watched constantly. L had sparked off another mind game and they had scuffled, argued. Light instantly forgot that they were bound by wrist to one another and so each punch and kick sent them flying. And so...And so Light kissed him. Kissed him _in the face_. Indignant and furious and determined, he did so.

That was his reasoning he supposed, nothing more. Nothing more, he told himself...But afterward, _well.._.he-he was curious. W-wait. Wait! Not like that! It just happened, he wasn't thinking. He glanced over at Ryuzaki who was still eating. He was picking apart a piece of Strawberry Shortcake with deft, slender fingers. Each strawberry L uncovered beneath the layers of cake and cream was promptly stabbed with his fork before disappearing into his mouth. Light was thinking now. It had been the heat of the moment, he decided. His own frustrated annoyance mingled with Ryuzaki's shock and ill-prepared social capabilities. Light supposed his current rate of growth also had something to do with it, his (dare-he-say-it) _hormones_ were probably wreaking havoc on his judgment acuity. Making him act spontaneously and _stupidly. Stupid,_ Light sighed.

He needed to focus on the case, on capturing Kira. _Osu!_ He would do it if it killed him. He and L were in this together, literally.

Light should apologise. They needed to work together and Light had undoubtedly unnerved or offended Ryuzaki in his actions...undoubtedly.

 _Although..._

* * *

 ** _Thanks for reaaading, yo. Pls review if you liked and let me know if you want moar. Danke, danke!_**

 ** _'Moar' will be coming either way, really. Ahahaha you don't have a choice muhahaha.._**


	2. The Strawberry Initiative

**Thus, it continues..So it goes. I can't wait to get into the gritty stuff. WINK. YOUKNOWWHATIMEANEYYY _YOULETMEKNOWIFI'MRAMBLING-_**

* * *

L focused on the sugary desert in front of him, attempting to savour the taste for as long as possible in his mouth and saliva before swallowing. He focused particularly hard on the texture of each strawberry as it went down. He focused on how when his teeth sunk into the ripe seeded-skin, bursts of sweet juice ran in rivulets over his tongue. Anything to keep the sensation of Light-kun - no, Yagami-kun's skin from returning to him. L could still feel Yagami-kun's fingers curled in his hair, his hard and furious mouth set firmly against his. It was so _strange_. To L the experience of a kiss with Light-kun should have been no more different than the experience of kicking Light-kun in the face. After all, kissing, much like fighting was another aspect of social behaviour that often occurred to humans. To people. Not normally did they occur to L, not together at least and definitely not sequentially. However, it was curious. He had felt a surge of physical connection that he had never felt before. Light-kun had taken L entirely by surprise, uncomfortably so, but once his actions had caught up with him Light had pulled back. Clearly Light-kun's actions had not been very well thought-out, if thought-out at all. L chewed thoughtfully on a forkful of cake. Heat had blossomed under his skin, being that close to Light-kun. It was strange.

However, it may have not been a spontaneous design of Light Yagami's, mused L. The act or desire of kissing him may have been a ploy of Kira. Yagami-kun was too close statistically and personality-wise to Kira for L not to doubt the sincerity of his actions. L knew that a lot of Kira's actions were similar, if not identical to the thoughts and opinions of Light's. The only difference being exactly that, _thoughts_ and _actions._ Plus the ability to carry out the action, to physically conduct Kira's death sentence... _Kira's method of killing...How?_

L dismissed the thought for now. If Light-kun was Kira, then an attempt to increase physical intimacy between them would be in his best interests. So long as he played the game carefully. It would create an opportunity to exploit theoretical weakness, to discover a vulnerability, and therefore an attempt to manipulate L or to snatch his name from him in a moment of passion. L supposed it could be possible..Hmm.. _49% probability._ Perhaps this was merely another game, an attempt to dominate L and so an attempt to beat him in some way. To _win_. Hmm...That was more likely. However, if Light-kun was still aware of his connection to Kira, he hid it well. It was like his entire personality had somehow altered from before his time in confinement, and from when he was released. L knew something had changed. But what?

L sucked on the cream-smeared fork, suspended in thought. He looked at Light-kun, one hand tapping away at his keyboard whilst he spoke to Aizawa-san, half-turned in his chair. Yagami-san should return soon he thought, poking his tongue through the prongs of the fork, eradicating any evidence of cream and cake. He supposed he'd let things play out for now, there was little else he could do. He'd compose a few situations to trip Yagami-kun up, although they usually did very little as the boy tended to see through them with enough thought. Exasperation with these occasions was what led to their brawl earlier. L smacked his lips. He needed food for thought. Literally.

"Tea," he announced, scrambling out of his seat and shoving his hands in the deep front-pockets of his jeans, "Light-kun," he added to further convey his intentions. L's movements tugged the chain between them and forced Light's chair to swivel around. Light considered stubbornly digging his feet in to intervene with Ryuzaki's journey to the food cart but L merely continued to walk, rolling Light's chair forward across the tiles, so Light gave up and moved with him. Pointedly keeping as much distance between them as possible.

 _Interesting,_ L observed.

* * *

Over the course of the next day, L watched Light carefully. Light could tell Ryuzaki was acting warily, normal enough, but still enough for Light to notice. So he responded accordingly; he didn't bring up what occurred between them, he kept his distance and he spoke only of the Kira case. Surprisingly (to Light) nothing abnormal happened until the two of them sat at the table together; Light pouring through paperwork (again regarding this week's course of Kira-criminal victims) and Ryuzaki sat in his usual perch, his back hunched over, bent low over a fat slice of cake splattered with fruit. Light was scanning through the extensive list of victims, Kira sure had been busy this week - it was only Wednesday and yet the list spanned twelve pages. Light's stomach growled, he rubbed his tummy absentmindedly. For some reason he'd been craving sweets all day. He tracked his progress with a finger;

 _Shinji Hirako, 28_  
 _Two prior convictions for assault/_  
 _breaking and entering/_  
 _sexual harassment_  
 ** _Heart-attack_**

 _Takamasa Ishihara, 42_  
 _Arrested for drug trafficking_  
 ** _Heart-attack_**

 _Tetsuya Yamamoto, 64_  
 _Convicted rapist/_  
 _Serving 12 years_  
 ** _Heart-atta -_**

"-Light-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"Light-kun, your stomach is growling."

"I know. I'll get something in a minute." Light traced his palm down the page, his tongue between his teeth. He flipped the page over. There had to be some-

"-Light-kun, would you like a strawberry?"

"What?" Light looked up at Ryuzaki. He was swiveled in his chair to face Light with his arm outstretched.

"A strawberry," Ryuzaki said simply, offering his arm again: his forefinger and thumb held a fork supporting a glazed strawberry. Ryuzaki raised it to Light's face, a few inches from his lips. Light looked at Ryuzaki. He blinked owlishly at him, his face an innocent mask. Light looked at the strawberry. Then back to Ryuzaki. He raised an eyebrow. He moved his head slightly to the side: the strawberry followed. Ryuzaki wanted him to eat off his fork? He wanted to hand feed him?

Light deadpanned.

Ryuzaki raised his other, free thumb to his lower lip and pressed against it. Light's eyes narrowed. _Ah_.

 _So that's what this is_. L wanted to test Light. To see if he was willing to extend to certain levels of intimacy - if he were Kira, getting physically closer to L would be in his best interests. Light had thought of this earlier, how his foolish actions towards Ryuzaki may have landed him in further trouble with the detective. The likelihood of Light being Kira had probably increased since yesterday, he knew it. Light gritted his teeth as he shot daggers at the peevish Ryuzaki who was smiling slightly as he still held the strawberry aloft. _So what, if he took the strawberry he was more likely to be Kira?_ That's ridiculous. Yet somehow Light's ego felt that if he turned away coldly, as he wished to, Ryuzaki would somehow win. Maybe that's what this was, a battle of wills. Ryuzaki knew Light would worry over this. Damn him - him and that smug panda face. Light's eyes glinted dangerously but he bent forward all the same, unaware that the few lonely members of the task force (one of whom being Light's open-mouthed father) had all ceased their previous activities to watch the world's most renowned detective hand feed a seventeen year old boy.

Ryuzaki watched owlishly, his mouth slightly open as Light's mouth enclosed over the sugary fruit, biting down hard on the fork-prongs with evident defiance. Light's blazing eyes never broke contact with Ryuzaki's as he snatched the strawberry off of its stainless steel holding cell and chewed slowly. He'd never admit that it tasted damn fine or that it satiated his panging cravings _wonderfully.._. or that it reminded him of the tender skin of L's lips. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. Light tried searching Ryuzaki's face for some kind of answer. Failing that, he returned to the papers in front of him. A blur of movement made him look up again: Ryuzaki held out another stabbed fruit, this time a cherry. Light stared at him for a bit, fuming inside but then surrendered.

He shook his head, "No thanks, one is good."

"Okay, Light-kun." Ryuzaki shrugged and instead popped the cherry into his mouth and chewed slowly, nay thoughtfully. Light watched him chew, his eyes flickering unbidden to L's mouth. Heat pooled in Light's stomach, hot tendrils flicking up into his chest. He felt the fire as though it were constricting his lungs. What was this? Ryuzaki met his gaze suddenly and Light knew they were both thinking back to yesterday. Light's fingers whitened as he gripped his seat and he turned back to the desk. Dammit. He knew he'd blushed. Light stared at the papers until he felt certain that L had turned his attention back to his cake.

There was a sudden rustle of movement and clearing of throats over at the monitors.

* * *

 ** _yaaaaay. More fluffy smut coming but don't worry...I have a master pwan...this chapter was fun to write. Please review if you read, it gets so lonely...  
ahem._**

 ** _Thaaaank you!_**


	3. Push him, Kick him, Kiss him

_**I'm sorry for such a massive gap in between chapters, I hadn't originally planned to continue this but ppl seem to liek it so here ya go. Let me know if you'd like me to continue. Yosh, please enjoy!  
**_

* * *

Things were starting to spiral out of control. L knew this. But after his strawberry initiative had failed, feeding L with only inconclusive results, he was forced to increase his efforts and therefore the unrelenting tension surrounding himself and a certain Kira suspect. Light-kun had, as L predicted, allowed L to feed him _(such as Kira would have)_ but he had done so with such defiance and spiteful determination in his brown eyes that L struggled to spot anything else lurking in him. He saw nothing of any malice, lechery or derisive amusement gleaming in the eyes of a killer; only the honest strength and irritable vulnerability of a seventeen year old boy. Afterwards, the boy had blushed until even his ears grinned red - but it wasn't a gushing kind of contact-embarrassment. L had heard Light-kun muttering furiously under his breath for minutes afterward, had practically felt him berating and cursing his actions in his head. Such a Light-kun thing to do. As if he were angry that he had blushed. Surely if this was Kira, taunting L through the embers of his murderous, pumping heart (that beat apparently only for L) he would have... _well_..not gone about it in such a typical Light way. Kira would have blushed openly and probably extended L's gesture of intimacy further. Unless he knew what game L was playing.

 _Sigh.._ You see? Inconclusive. Thus, L was unsure. This had led to great irritation and annoyance on his part. This had led to the next few days being riddled with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) gestures of intimacy.

It hadn't been difficult, in retrospect, to create spontaneous moments of chemistry between the two of them. After all, they were _chained_ together. L simply had to be sly, and seemingly innocent about it. And calculatingly seductive. He stood nearer to Light-kun than usual, sat closer, leaned over Light-kun when he spoke (once he had arched over the back of Light-kun's seat so low that he saw his breath tickle the nape of Light's neck; the little hairs had wiggled and jumped to attention as soon as they felt the sudden air whisper over them. Light had jumped about a foot in the air and automatically swatted the satiable prickle). He knew he had Light-kun's helplessly undivided attention - their hands caught a few times at L's instigation; lifting paperwork, pointing at the computer screen, reaching for the sugar bowl, but each time L's fingers grazed the back of Light-kun's knuckles or swiped at his palm, Light would immediately jerk back from L's cool, languid fingers. L had done everything a psychological deducting genius of a social recluse could think of. Short of openly verbally flirting with Light-kun or standing up and kissing him, L was running out of ideas. And he desperately (perhaps unconsciously so) wanted to avoid the latter.

It was maddening. He seethed every time Light-kun froze up or burnt red or jarred away until the chain sprang them back together again like a grueling elastic band. L even tried being conventionally _nice_ ; he offered to share his sweets, he gave Light the last of his mochi, he even constructed a sugar cube Coliseum for him, distinctly _Flavian Amphitheatre_ -ish, which he insisted Light eat (giving in, Light only tasted one - the same glare of defiance blazing in his eyes - leaving L to sulkily cram the remaining powdery squares into his mouth all at once), and he then even personally made Light a cup of tea (which the boy pointedly let grow cold until Matsuda-san, and eventually Yagami-san, chided him for being ungrateful, - most likely believing that L's suspicions of Light were growing weaker - making Light shakily (from anger) take a sip, only to instantly spit it back out again, whining of tooth decay and cancerous sugars). L personally really didn't know what he was talking about, he'd only put in five. And some honey. Plus a few mint humbugs - but that was just to give it a festive boost! It was almost December after all.

And so it was not surprising that, on his way back to his seat by the monitors (L perched, rolling along with him), a towering stack of paperwork in hand, L stuck out a bony ankle in annoyance (inwardly scowling in frustration) and tripped Light-kun up. Light's shin caught the curve of L's ankle and stumbled, his torso lurching forwards. The papers went flying, Light's chair rolled away unscathed and Light hit the floor, sprawled on the linoleum with a _oomph_.

Light groaned, momentarily winded. A scattered paper drifted and danced down to settle on his head. A rush of voices directed their immediate concern, despite the sound of Matsuda-san attempting to muffle his laughter.

"-Light, are you alright?"

Light-kun was on his feet in seconds, his expression stormy and furious. "That is _it_ , Ryuzaki! Do you know how long I spent organising that paperwork? I've had it with all your attempts to trip me up - _literally!"_ His eyes looked murderous. _Hmm,_ L pondered. That was more like it.

"I apologise Light-kun, but I assure you, I had no intention of tripping you. Your foot must have caught on my chair as you were passing."

"That's bullshit Ryuzaki and you know it! These past couple of days you haven't let up on me _once_ \- I know you tripped me, I saw you stick your foot out!" Light-kun glared at him; L tried to look innocent and pragmatic but, bizarrely, he felt an overwhelming urge to smile.

Soichiro Yagami's calm deep voice rang, "Ryuzaki, is this true?" he sighed, sounding tired. "Did you trip Light?" When L didn't answer, he added "Are you still suspicious of Light's identity - do you still suspect him of _being Kira?"_

"Yagami-san, I did not trip Light-kun. Light-kun probably stumbled over my chair, not looking where he was going. He _was_ carrying a large stack of papers. Why would I want to trip him? I would not want to undo hours of work Light-kun completed, aiding the progression of our case. And in what way does tripping Light-kun, more so, causing him physical harm extend the theory that Light-kun is Kira? I have no desire to hurt Yagami-kun."

Light fumed at L, his hands curling into fists as if to stop himself from throttling the pale detective. L couldn't be too smug, after all - anger was a predictable emotion to display after being hurt.

Aizawa-san mumbled something to Mogi-san and they set to work, stooping to gather the scattered papers.

Yagami-san sighed and glanced at Light, then back to L. "I believe you, Ryuzaki. Light, you do look tired. Are you sure you're getting enough rest? You _have_ been more clumsy as of late...acting unusual.."

"I am _fine!_ Any reason I've been acting odd is because of _him!"_ Light shakily jabbed at L.

L raised his ebony eyebrows. "Light-kun if I have offended you, I-"

Light seemed to boil with anger. _"You..are...dead-!"_ he lunged at L; it took Soichiro and Matsuda's combined efforts to restrain him, but unfortunately, because of the chain that tied the two of them together, they could not put much distance between them.

"Calm down, Light-kun."

"Ryuzaki, this is clearly putting too much strain on Light. We all need to work together, as harmoniously as possible if we're to make real, efficient progress. This infernal chain should be removed."

Yagami-san was demanding but L gazed at him calmly with impenetrable black orbs. His gaze fluttered to Light and then back. "At least for a while, if nothing else." Soichiro said when Ryuzaki didn't answer.

L looked at Light-kun again. As if L could release what little control he already had over Yagami-kun's alternating emotions and fluctuating actions. He needed to keep an eye on him at all times. He needed to scratch the surface to reveal the monster underneath. "The chain stays."

L allowed himself a small smile. Light-kun's eyes flashed dangerously. Light-kun growled. _"May I have a word with you?"_

L smiled more widely. This should be more interesting, I may be able to actually compile some testable data..This could be a deciding vote...if such things were open to a vote. _Hands up everyone, who thinks Light-kun is Kira?_

Show yourself monster.

"Certainly, Light-kun."

 _"In private."_

Soichiro glanced warily at Light. "It's alright, Yagami-san. I have no intention of fighting Light-kun. I shan't reciprocate even if Light-kun childishly instigates." L told him, and Light didn't wait for another word. He stormed from the monitor room, dragging L by the links of the chain behind him.

"You know Light-kun, evading the others in search of privacy is pointless. There are camera monitors all over the building. Even in this room."

"Yes but none that monitor or record _sound."_

That's what _you_ think, Yagami-kun. They crossed the corridor and entered an empty room, grandly furnished. The team often used this room as a break-room, as it was so close to all the monitors across the hall. The door snapped shut and Light turned to face L, glowering.

"Look, Ryuzaki. I know what you've been doing - I know _exactly why_ you're doing it but I want you to _stop."_

L raised a thumb to his lip, and bit it gently. "I'm not entirely sure as to what Light-kun is referring." A ghostly set of fingers scratched idly at L's temple, onyx irises narrowing in confusion.

Light tried to swallow his anger but it seemed to get stuck in his throat on the way down."I'm referring to _this."_ He closed the distance between them and abruptly took Ryuzaki's face in the palm of his hand. Light's skin was a sunset as his fingers brushed against Ryuzaki's cheek.

L instantly flinched. All calculating and logical thought had been wiped from his brain. _All_ thought had been wiped from his brain. He struggled for a moment just to remember to breathe, before then remembering that breathing was an involuntary action; a process that his body carried out for him, just as his cells continued to respire and divide, regardless of the fact that Light-kun was again, touching him. L's peripheral temperature receptors in his epidermis registered the heat from Light's hand, and L felt his warmth quiver down right through him, from his cheek, trickling down into his toes. He repressed a shiver. But the sudden warmth jolted his brain into action.

L tilted his head away from Light-kun's open palm. His thumb never wavered from his mouth.

 _"This_ , Light-kun?"

* * *

 _ **Watch you squirm!**_

 _ **Hope you liked, please review if so! Feel free to question or suggestion ^3^**_


	4. A Grain of Sand

_**Another chapter so soon? GASP I KNOW RIGHT  
But I just felt like writing... so**_

 _ **Picking back up where we left off amigos**_

* * *

Ryuzaki was cold, but Light could feel how soft his skin was; all the tiny, fuzzy hairs on his cheek, inviting to the touch. He could feel the curve of Ryuzaki's cheekbone, thick wisps of dark hair, a throbbing pulse under that cool exterior. It made Ryuzaki look that much more _alive_. He _felt_ alive.

Alive and breakable. The thought was intriguing but he couldn't figure out why exactly.

Light hadn't thought this through. _Again_. He hadn't thought it through. He felt his skin redden, but his anger dissipated the heat and he paled. Ryuzaki hadn't moved; Light had felt him jump at the sudden contact but he still hadn't moved away. He just stood there, his thumb anchored against the delicate dip in his bottom lip, his eyes wide and pupils dilated. But that could mean many things. Light's frustration burnt through him like a branding iron. But the front of his mind began to cloud..

Ryuzaki's... _L's_ eyes were locked with his. Icy, round and unsettling. Light couldn't look anywhere else. Ryuzaki had dark shadows under his eyes; gloomy, crepuscular hollows carved into the milky expanse of his skin; pools of ebony starlight reflected in twin glassy orbs. Light felt an electricity snap through him like an elastic band, a buzzing that permeated deep into his veins and returned to his heart with a jolt. Suddenly his heart was pumping just a bit faster, just a bit harder, as though there was a sickness in his body that needed to be flushed out as soon as possible. Ryuzaki blinked. His blood ran hot. Someone had turned on a tap somewhere. Light felt as though an eternity had passed since they connected. This was his entire world. The center around which his galaxy would forever revolve.

 _Get a grip!_ Part of his brain screamed.

 _To see the world in a grain of sand,_ another part thought idly. _Hold infinity in the palm of your hand..._

That was what Light was doing, wasn't it?

Ryuzaki tilted his head away from Light's open palm, and reality crashed over Light like a wave. But his previous irritation hit like a _landslide_. Ryuzaki's thumb never wavered from his mouth as he parted his lips to ask-

 _"This_ , Light-kun?"

* * *

Light-kun's mouth set in a line. He snatched his hand away. L felt the warmth vanish, instead feeling heat flood his stomach. That was strange, he noticed.

 _"Yes."_ Light bludgeoned, "All your cheap nips and tricks over the past week." A pulse was jumping in Light-kun's jaw. L tried not to look at it and instead nibbled his thumb. This wasn't exactly the response he had been hoping for. This wasn't Kira. L felt like cursing.

"What tricks would these be exactly, Yagami-kun? I can't imagine myself deceiving you."

The boy looked ready to throttle him again, so L tightened the muscles in his legs just in case. He'd be ready to pounce. But Light squirmed even closer, gripping links of the chain in his fist, turning his knuckles white.

"You can drop the act Ryuzaki, none of the others are here." he hissed, "You've been setting me up, gauging my reactions to every tiny little thing. As if _this thing_ wasn't enough-" he rattled the cuffs, "You have to torment me and drive me _insane_ \- trying to touch me at every interval - in full view of my father - seeing if I reciprocate the slightest inch just to calculate a higher probability that I'm Kira! I am _not_ just some pawn that you can _manipulate_ into behaving like a twisted, mass-murdering psychopath!" Light breathed out heavily.

"Look, I get that you think it's logical that if I _were_ Kira, it would be a possibility that Kira would try and get close to you, mentally _and_ physically...in that way. I get it, he'd want you vulnerable. So you trying to see if I respond to your...instigation is understandable. I get it - but you can _stop_ now! You make me uneasy. It's distracting - to constantly be on the look out as to where you are and what you're doing 24/7! I am _not Kira!_ I am only ever going to react like _me!"_ Light-kun's voice was becoming strangled, openly more distressed. "And," Light gulped, "I know that this is all kind of my fault - I know I put the doubt in your mind, I didn't really help my case when I ki-"

Light suddenly started and stopped. Colour flooded his face; his lips ruby red, the tip of his nose pink. His brown eyes were shining.

L raised an eyebrow. Light-kun painfully continued, clenching and then uncurling his fingers. A frequent peccadillo of Light-kun's. An involuntary anxiety-induced action? "When we had a fight last week." said Light quickly, before his brain could catch up with his words. "I...My actions were not intentional, I didn't mean - _look_ it was heat of the moment okay? I don't know why I did it..I-I just did. Alright?" he finished somewhat defiantly.

L frowned. Light-kun looked vulnerable. And open. Was this all just an act? _Heat of the moment..._ Emotions running wild, adrenaline pumping, physical infliction of pain. Light-kun's unrelenting anger and defiance... L supposed it was a likely conclusion. And Light-kun _was_ of the age where his hormones would be struggling to settle... Perhaps Light-kun had just acted on a conflicting urge to both hurt and satisfy L.

Satisfy L's suspicions, that is.

He _was_ an incredibly stubborn and _defiant_ boy. Confident and intelligent. But also devious. Light-kun hated to lose... Just like L himself. _Hmph._ A teenage mistake? _4_ _2% probability._

But he was still not convinced. L could never be at ease around him. The circumstances were too suspicious, Light-kun was too fitting a suspect...Kira's killing schedule fitted Light-kun's teen school timetable, his proximity to the police, his age, his character and intelligence...all pieces of the puzzle that erected Kira. Light-kun _could_ be an abnormality... It could all be a coincidence. But the universe is rarely so kind.

L nodded. He would believe Light-kun. But he would not believe Kira. Whether Light-kun was conscious of the monster, buried deep within (or lurking behind those cleverly beguiling eyes) or an innocent being used in ploy. L could not trust him. He'd believe him. But never trust.

"Ryuzaki?" Light-kun wavered, sighed and then said quietly (but L could hear the frustration eating away at his words) "I know you probably won't believe me but - it _was_ a mistake. I acted stupidly. And..." Another sigh. "And I'm sorry if I caused you any discomfort. We have to _trust_ each other, right? Work together if we're going to catch Kira. And we _are."_

L blinked. His mouth parted slightly; his thumb drifted from its perch. _Apologies?_ Light-kun apologised? _Trust... If I caused you any discomfort... I'm sorry.._ L scowled inwardly - what was this? Why must this be so frustrating?

"I believe you, Light-kun." his lips moved slowly. Every move had to be calculated. But some things L _knew._ And he knew this game had been playing without an opponent for far too long.

"Things may return to normal (by our degree of normality) if you wish. But this chain _stays_ Light-kun," L raised his arm, chain links clinking tunefully. "Kira doesn't get off that lightly."

Light-kun's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to argue but visibly bit his tongue to restrain himself. L smiled.

"Yes, Light-kun?" his smile became wider.

"But you'll stop... _flirting."_ Gritted teeth churned the word out like a groan. L raised another eyebrow.

"I'll remind you that Light-kun started it."

Shock hit Light's face like a slap.

 _"That was not flirting! That was an-an accident!"_

L examined Light-kun's flustered expression and chewed his lip thoughtfully. The brunette was blushing again. Maybe this really was his hormones.

...or maybe, maybe Light-kun had developed an attraction to him? All data considered... _60%? But not as likely as a design of Kira's._ But this was something to consider. Perhaps Light had established _Ryuzaki_ as a mentor figure? Perhaps he found the idea of L appealing? Too many uncertainties. L chewed over his thoughts but decided to give Light-kun an answer.

"Very well, Light-kun. I'll refrain from mentioning it again, if that would put you at ease?"

Light swallowed. "Thank you.. We can return to normal then? ...And get back to work?"

 _Normal._ L didn't think so.

"Of course, Light-kun. We wouldn't want you distracted from the investigation. You are a great asset in the fight against Kira."

Light-kun looked taken aback. Almost proud. Grateful. But at the same time, wary. Almost defiant again. Light-kun why are your reactions so conflicting? He felt like cursing again.

"Uhh...Great." Light said, running a long hand over his face.

"We should return to the other room then, Light-kun. The others will probably be wondering what we've been doing in this time alone." L started towards the door, brushing past a Light frozen with innuendo. "After all, you did look ready to kill me when we left them." he smiled slyly at Light-kun, and Light groaned. A human cocktail of helplessness and vexation. His fingers clenched and uncurled. The memory of Light's warm skin flashed and stumbled into L's mind. He brushed past it with a tremble of his head.

* * *

They managed to get back to work, Light going out of his way to ensure the others (and his father) that he and Ryuzaki had had a long _talk_ and set aside their differences, and any grievances they had for one another. Now they could all get back to the task at hand and really focus. They were going to make some real _progress_ , Light just had a feeling.

The only problem with Light's focus, was the impossible fact that he _couldn't_ focus. He had a growling in his stomach that just wouldn't go away. No matter what he did. He found he was restless. He willed himself to work, his neck craned at the computer screen in front of him or his fingers flying through sheets of paper ten times faster than usual, but his foot was constantly _tap tap tapping_ against the floor. His knee was forever bouncing like a nervous tick. He couldn't force himself to stay still. He paced when he was standing, messed with his hair when they were sat talking, or he chewed at his nails - sparking a creepily striking resemblance to Ryuzaki. That was unsettling to say the least.

A day had passed since Light confronted Ryuzaki, and surprisingly true to his word he had not done anything out of the ordinary. Or suffice it to say that he was no longer being unnecessarily _nice_. Light tried _desperately_ to ignore the small part of him that missed being the strange focus of Ryuzaki's attention...

And his affection.

Light started, shocked and disgusted at himself. And then proceeded to beat back the thoughts with a large mental stick. It had been _infuriating_ , he reminded himself. Ryuzaki had been playing a game, he didn't mean any of it. He thinks you're Kira. You're still a suspect to him. Light grumbled in annoyance and rubbed at his eyes. His hands went back to the sheet of paper he was making notes on. His fingers curled into a fist, nails biting into his palms, and then he relaxed them. His fingernails scraped the paper; the noise making him shudder. He looked up and around. It was late into the evening, and the team had moved into the break-room for more comfort. Aizawa and Mogi-san had already left, Aizawa returning to his grateful family. Light didn't know where Mogi-san lived; whether he had his own house or apartment, or if he was staying in a room here, in the team's haven of operations. Matsuda was chattering into the phone's landline, mobiles being prohibited. Except for Ryuzaki's of course. Light scowled, wishing once more for his freedom. He yanked his wrist back again; Ryuzaki was sat away from him, typing rapidly into his laptop and talking to Soichiro but he kept flying his manacled hand across the keyboard, making Light's cuffed arm dart out along with him. He was hunched-over in his usual crouch on the plush ivory sofa that was softer than Light's hair. And the sofa was leather. And Light's hair was _soft._ Ryuzaki would have blended into the upholstery if it weren't for his own inky hair. As black as pitch. Rumpled, and sticking up everywhere. Its chaos annoyed Light, and he unconsciously smoothed his own.

Light blinked his eyes sleepily, and rested his chin in his palm, rapping the knuckles of his other hand on the tabletop. Promptly his wrist flew out from under his head, elbow and manacled hand smacking into the table.

"Ryuzaki!" he sucked his knuckles angrily, "Can you _please_ stop doing that."

"Sorry, Light-kun." said Ryuzaki, his gaze never wavering from his laptop. "Perhaps if you moved your work closer it would be more comfortable for both of us."

A glance. Reproachful.

Light mumbled, getting up and dragging over to the sofa. "Perhaps if you uncuffed me it would be even _more_ comfortable."

"I doubt that, Light-kun."

Light nestled the back of his honey-head into the cushions. His knee started its anxious jig. He glanced sideways at Ryuzaki. To his surprise - Ryuzaki yawned. Wrinkling his snowy skin and revealing a pink tongue. Eyelashes shuttered drowsily and then sprang open again, eyes once more alert. Fingers started back at the keyboard, typing in his bizarre manner.

Light had never seen Ryuzaki show any sign of sleepiness before. It was the dark side of the moon.

Light's father stood up, clapping Matsuda on the back as he did so. "We're going to get some shut-eye, Ryuzaki. Let Light get some sleep soon." Soichiro fixed a wry gaze at Light and gave a stern nod. Light would have to sleep. Or his mother would hear about it. But not tonight - Light could tell by his father's tone of voice, the underlying wince of guilt that accompanied his words; he would be spending a night in one of the many rooms supplied by Ryuzaki.

"Very well, Yagami-san. I hope you feel better rested when you awake." Ryuzaki tilted his head to Soichiro, nibbling a thumbnail.

"Goodnight Light."

"Night Dad. See you in the morning." Light yawned conveniently, then added "You'll see mum and Sayu tomorrow night, don't worry. You can tell them hi from me." Ryuzaki allowed him a generous length of the chain so he could stretch his arms above his head. Soichiro smiled a smile full of regret and gratitude, a melancholic pride swelling in his chest for his son. They made the best of a bad situation. A complicated situation.

"I will, Light."

"Night Ryuzaki! See you bright and early, Light!" Matsuda called from the door, sounding cheered (as always) but tired.

Light waved goodnight back to him, yawning again as his father left, and tried to remember when he'd last seen his family. Surely it hadn't been too long ago. He missed them desperately. It was often strange to realise this because he was usually kept so busy with the case. With Kira. He missed his mother's cooking, her delicate hugs. And Sayu's grinning face when she'd beaten him at Gungi (or rather when Light purposefully lost to her at Gungi - as she had forced an agreement onto him where he had to let her win once every three games). Her constant invasions into his room. Whining for him to do her Math homework. Her pretty eyes and annoying cell phone ringtone. He missed their family meals, and the sleepy Sundays.

Light missed them. And he felt a woozy rush of forlorn affection for his missing loved ones. And guilty worry at where they mistakenly thought he was during his absence from home.

I bet _handcuffed to an insomniac detective_ doesn't crack their top ten. I bet _handcuffed to an insomniac detective who thinks I'm a criminal mass murderer_ doesn't crack their top _thirty_. Even with Sayu's wild imagination.

"Light-kun, are you feeling alright?" Ryuzaki asked, and Light tilted his head to him. A wintery thumb touching base to a shell-pink lip. "I could call Watari for some tea if you'd like."

"No, I'm fine Ryuzaki. Thanks." Light forgot how perceptive Ryuzaki must be. L _was_ one of the best detectives in the world...He probably picked up on everything; Light's nostalgia, his father's worry; the restlessness of the team. Light's _own_ restlessness. He felt a swooping sensation in his stomach at the thought. Nausea probably.

Then again. Ryuzaki was so socially isolated and ignorant, unresponding to normal social conventions. Maybe he didn't understand the concept of nostalgia, or worry... But he must have had people he cared about. Watari, most likely.

"Are you sure? You don't look your usual self."

"Really? How's that?"

"You're not red in the face from frustration with me." L smiled, and it looked to be a real smile. Of warmth.

Light laughed quietly.

"It must be hard to be away from your family. But it is necessary. I would not hold you here if I didn't have undue reason." Ryuzaki dangled the chain.

Light raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. So he did understand.

"I know that, Ryuzaki. I don't mean to be sullen. I was just thinking how long I've been away from them."

"I am sorry, Light-kun." he glanced to his laptop, "Would you like to sleep now?"

"No, it's okay. I can last a while longer. You go ahead and finish your work. I'll just rest my eyes.."

Ryuzaki clearly appreciated Light's rebuff to the offer of sleep. He closed his eyes, listening to the patter of fingertips across keys. The rattle of the chain links as they hit the laptop. He stretched his legs out in front. His body ached from sitting, leaning over a computer screen all day. But he was so comfy, burrowed against the cushions. They must be goose-feather or something...Light wondered drowsily how expensive the sofa had been, and how wealthy L must be. Having solved so many cases all over the world...

When Light opened his eyes again, it was darker in the room. He looked out the glass window; midnight blue outside. He knew it would be cold; it felt crisp just looking out. He squirmed deeper into the cushions. Ryuzaki was still typing.

"What is your mother like, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked suddenly, startling the silence between them.

Light looked at him, surprised. This was becoming a frequent occurrence.

"Huh?"

"Your mother. You said you missed your family; I was just wondering what they were like." L was still typing. The glow from his computer screen lit up his face in a ghostly hue.

"Oh. Well, my mum...She's just how every mother should be. She's kind, caring, and warm.." Light smiled, thinking of his mother's stern gaze, "And very protective of her children. But she's funny, and smart - and she's the best cook in the world. I really miss her baking." Light looked to Ryuzaki and grinned, "You'd love her Christmas Cake, she makes it every year."

Ryuzaki stopped working to look at him, his thumb moving over his lip. He nodded seriously. "Watari buys Christmas Cake in December."

"Awh no! Homemade is the best, it tastes so much better - way better than anything in a shop!"

Ryuzaki looked intrigued; his head tilted thoughtfully. "I have never tried homemade sweets."

"I'm pretty sure that's a felony in most of the world."

Ryuzaki grinned. It was such an... entrancing sight that Light.. _Oh God no_. Light felt blood rush to his face. He willed it to dissipate back down into his body. _Stop freaking blushing you frilly-skirted schoolgirl!_

Luckily Ryuzaki didn't seem to notice. He was biting his thumb and thinking. He rested his ivory palms on his blue knees.

"If you'd like Light-kun, you could use the kitchen facilities here to make your mother a Christmas Cake. As a token to apologise for your absence; an early festive gift to reconcile your family. Watari could deliver it to them whenever you'd like."

"Really? Taking time out from the case to do that would be okay?"

"A few hours one afternoon in the holiday season would be acceptable. Attention is likely to waver, I have expected.." Slight creases appeared between Ryuzaki's brow line. Light guessed he was thinking of Matsuda and his attention span of a goldfish. The guy was brilliant with guns though; he never missed a single shot.

"Well...I think my mum would really love it. Sayu too. Yeah, that'd be great to do, it wouldn't take more than an hour probably.."

"That's settled then."

Light smiled. "Thanks, Ryuzaki. You made me feel better." Ryuzaki looked fixedly at him, and Light felt suddenly very aware of how close they sat; how vulnerable they both were to each other. Like an invisible thread of pulsing, terrified energy tied them to one another. Black eyes traced over his face.

"You're welcome, Light-kun." And the thread snapped.

* * *

 _ **Safe-oo! Thanks for reading! Review if you liked it!**_

 _ **Things'll be getting a bit...**_ **messy** _ **next time. WINK.**_


	5. Kuro ōkami

_**I know, my similes and idioms are all over the shop... I seem to do quite well for a stretch, and then at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cranberry.**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

Ironically, it was the light that irritated Light's eyes to open. He woke groggily, his head swimming with the scent of something woodsy and sweet. He stretched, groaning softly. Early morning was streaming in through the bay window, gleaming off every surface in the break-room. - _Wait. The break-room?_

Light lifted his head up, blinking sleep out of his eyes. He felt it crust in his corneas. His mouth formed an _O_. And then he said, _"O fuck."_

He was snowed under with cushions, but the problem was, he wasn't the only one underwater. Ryuzaki was sprawled beside him, spread over Light's arm. The arm that happened to be manacled at the wrist. Their legs were tangled, and Light's head had been crooked under Ryuzaki's jaw, where his hairline met his pale throat. Light's fingers were curled into Ryuzaki's clavicle. _Ohh but it got worse._ Ryuzaki's elbow was trapped under Light's hip-bone.

 _they were wrapped around each other_

 _WHAT_

Light's instinct was to swallow his imminent panic. His heartbeat seemed to be bubbling up his throat - no, scratch that. His heartbeat was _jammed_ in his throat; he made a strangled hissing noise to dislodge the pain and free his voice. _Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god_

He couldn't move without waking Ryuzaki up. At the moment he was sleeping soundly. Light wasn't exactly sure what the time was; he had no idea if his father and the rest of the team were about to burst in on them. But judging from the light outside, it had to be early enough. Ryuzaki breathed so softly he looked like he wasn't breathing at all. But the hollow of his chest rose and fell gently. Even in his slumber, he held a finger to his mouth. Like a security blanket. His face was turned away from Light, so Light just had a face full of hair, and the biting edge of Ryuzaki's jawline. Ryuzaki had a freckle on his jaw, right where the bone veered upwards to connect to his ear. Light fought the crazy urge to touch it.

He had to move. He was getting more uncomfortable by the second. Ryuzaki had to be in pain, the way his elbow was bent. Light was pretty sure elbows weren't meant to bend that way.

"Oh fuck," he muttered, trying to lean on his imprisoned arm which was nigh on impossible to do so. Trying to ignore how warm Ryuzaki felt against him, ignoring the feeling of his slender legs thrown in with his, trying to get a grip on his mental self _(and physical - none of any of_ that _, thank you very much),_ he gently shook Ryuzaki's shoulder. There was an awful lot of _trying_ going on, his brain wagered. And a lot of ignoring.

Ryuzaki appeared to be a light sleeper. Light didn't know whether this was fortunate, or unfortunate. He stirred, nudging his head along sofa, nuzzling further into his cupped hand. Light cringed and tried again.

 _"Ryuzaki."_ he urged quietly, pressing into his shoulder again.

Light saw a set of eyelashes open blearily, then as Ryuzaki turned his head, saw the eyes they belonged to widen in alarm.

"We seem to have gotten ourselves into a predicament." he said quickly before Ryuzaki could panic, thinking that panic was a likely reaction.

L looked up at Light, his hair in a sleepy halo around his face. He immediately absorbed their situation; his stunned gaze seeking out every place they were touching. So he basically just looked down the length of his body.

"... _Oh_ dear." he whispered, almost to himself. Ryuzaki immediately started some furious fidgeting, kicking his legs out to free them from the mess of cushions. In doing so he leaned back, applying painful pressure onto Light's arm. His foot struck Light's shin.

 _"Ow!_ Ryuzaki _stop!"_

Ryuzaki thankfully froze. But Light could feel his pulse hammering through to the back of his shirt. Felt it echo into his pinned arm.

"Just stay _still_ , okay? Now I can't _move_ until you lift _up_." Light tugged on his buried arm for emphasis. "So just lean forward."

Ryuzaki slowly did as he was told, leaning his torso forward so that Light could raise his deadened arm up over his head, the chain dangling with it. Light pulled his arm back to his side, wincing, and the chain lay across Ryuzaki's stomach. He sighed in relief, then swiveled to budge his hip off of Ryuzaki's and pulled his legs away to instead lay flat on the sofa.

"Light-kun... _Ouch."_

"Oh god, sorry." Light lifted his weight up so Ryuzaki could retrieve his arm back. As he did so, his fingers whipped into Light's shirt and accidentally hooked the material upwards. L's glacial fingertips grazed Light's back, and he reflexively arched it in surprise. He collapsed back down and the seat cushions jittered. They lay side by side in momentary silence. They breathed a little too heavily.

Ryuzaki cleared his throat. Light felt his back tingle where L had touched him.

"Light-kun, how..?"

"I don't know." he answered. "We must have fallen asleep and...collided."

"Ah. I see."

"But I mean, I...I don't know."

"Right."

"Ryuzaki...If, if it's okay. Can we never speak of this?"

Ryuzaki sat up. His knees drew up. He was like a turtle withdrawing into his frosty shell, intent on putting as much distance between them as possible.

"Agreed, Light-kun." Ryuzaki stood, his back to him. "We should prepare for today."

Light tried not to feel offended. It was becoming difficult, as Ryuzaki dragged forward to the door without waiting for him to catch up; the cuff snagged on Light's skin and he hissed in pain. Light glowered but followed. It wasn't like he _meant_ to fall asleep on Ryuzaki. It was Ryuzaki who stayed up late _working,_ kept them working on the _sofa._ He felt stupid and embarrassed and annoyed. Because he'd blushed. Panicked. Enjoyed...

 _Enjoyed_ it? The more he tried to deny it, argue against it, the more it rang true in his ear. A shrill ringing. His body prickled with pleasure to have felt L's warmth against the fine hairs on his skin. And Ryuzaki hadn't reacted, except to freeze and to get away. Still, Light supposed that was normality for a high-functioning sociopath with a mind that picked people apart like puzzles. L didn't flutter about with feelings.

 _Neither should you._ So stop _sulking_ and get your head together. Get over it. Get to work. You have a case to solve. Today's the day you catch Kira.

Light straightened his shirt and pulled himself together. His fingers uncurled; his knuckles sang.

* * *

For the first time, L was as on edge as Light was. Although he contained it better. And with more style. He fed his anxiety with cake, and Watari had brought him a small Christmas sleigh-box, filled with individually wrapped vanilla-chocolate panda bears that melted like summer on his tongue. Select few were filled with a strawberry clotted cream, so that when you bit the bear in half, it oozed and whipped around your tastebuds, sharpening the thick flavour with a spark of spontaneity. Each time L struck lucky with one, a garbled moan of satisfaction and delight crawled out of his airways. (Sometimes it sprouted wings and veered off into Light's direction and shivered down his spine).

The sugary spiderweb L tangled himself in caught his nerves, drained his frigid body of stiffness and twanged the invisible knots from his shoulders. Plus it looked pretty in the rain. _Tasted good too,_ and he licked sugar off his nose. L felt more relaxed now, significantly more so than he had this morning. This morning if L had heard someone whisper behind him, he would have drop kicked them into oblivion.

He'd spent the night with Light-kun. He'd woken up with Light-kun pressed into him. Kira could have killed him in the night, strangled him with the chain. It wouldn't be too hard to appear like an accident. But instead he'd woken, from a surprisingly peaceful night's sleep, to coffee-coloured eyes peering sleepily at him. He'd been completely vulnerable. Defences down; open to attack. As simple as _the enemy's gate is down._

And as simple as that, Kira could have won.

Instantly L's dislike of physical contact had come springing up all over his body; his hackles raised; each of his cells becoming a warning signal for the next one along. Issue: _Warning! Warning! Proximity alert! Initiate maximum defence mode!_

He attempted to rid his mind and body of all memory of it, but the feeling of Light's body still clung to him like a bear hug. The rustle of his slept-in-clothes still whispered in his ear. No matter how fast he turned his head. L stuffed in another mouthful of cream cake and ran a finger down the computer monitor, gawking out of his peripheral vision. Light-kun was flexing his fingers at his keyboard, his knee bouncing up and down like a space hopper. He'd been very fidgety as of late.

L thought back to last night, _it had been an accident._ But far too many accidents were occurring where Light was concerned... L found his brain whirring backwards a week and a half, to when Light had kissed him. L had an excellent memory, but this was one of the occasions where he wished the memory could have dimmed slightly. The hot anger Light had transmogrified into a fantastical lust, his vengeful mouth demanding repentance for L's accusations. Light-kun's skin that was softer than cotton candy...Fingers with a burning grip that had clenched L's hair so tightly, his body had winced and weakened. L didn't think there was ever a time when he'd felt as _needed_ as he had in that moment...In the millions of cases he'd been hired for. Nothing came close.

A sudden shift of movement burst his mind free from his conflicting reverie, and he awoke to a blur of Light rolling towards him. He was wearing a black tee today (instead of the usual shirt and occasional tie) and the transition made him startlingly look his age. He was just a seventeen year old...

A seventeen year old killer.

"Hey Ryuzaki," the killer called, and swiveled on his chair..right and left...right and left.. "D'you think I could make that cake tomorrow? The one for my mum? Dad said she's taking a trip to Osaka soon and I'd like her to get it before she leaves. Kind of a festive, going away sort of thing."

L blinked. A worry started to gnaw at his insides. Baking a cake would mean more isolated time with Light-kun...And previous experience dictated that to be a bad thing. But he couldn't exactly _not_ monitor Light. They had cameras in the kitchens, but there were a lot of nook-and-crannies hidden in the brickwork, not to mention the cutlery and kitchenware...And power tools. Somehow L didn't think it would be the best idea to leave Light-kun alone with a drawer full of knives.

Light was sneaky. And _Kira_ was sneaky. With a spoonful of cunning smiles and a second helping of ego.

"Ryuzaki?" Light-kun stared at him, and a fawn hand stretched out to steal a panda. Black made Light-kun's complexion look paler.

 _Sneaky._

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Yagami-kun."

Fingers flew out to catch the tiny chocolate bear. Light stopped throwing it. He seemed to register the re-use of his last name and took an instant disliking to it.

"What do you mean?"

L fixed him with crisp, beady eyes. "I don't think we should take time away from the case, Yagami-kun. Kira doesn't rest simply because it's the holiday season."

Now it was Light's turn to grow cold. "That's not what you said last night." (His lips twitched, inwardly grimacing at his choice of words).

"I've re-evaluated my decision. I've decided _no._ "

"So you're going back on your word. After you suggested the idea in the first place."

"Yagami-kun, I never gave you my word."

"You said _'That's settled then.'_ "

Irritation bit into L's voice. "Well, now it is _unsettled_." And then as Light drew closer, his irritation grew fangs.

"Ryuzaki you were perfectly fine with taking an _hour_ out of the investigation yesterday. You were being _nice_ , offering me an opportunity to do something for my family. Why have you suddenly changed your mind?"

The fangs grew softer at Light's tone of voice. He sounded almost hurt, and disappointed. L hesitated. He wanted to blow the hair out of Light's eyes. Annoyance dissipated and something else kindled in its stead. Something that wanted to nuzzle the hurt from Light's words.

 ** _he's too close_** , murmured the back of his mind. **_The KILLER'S TOO CLOSE_**

L let out a hiss like a space storm. He jerked back, thumb to his lip. "After further consideration I decided against the idea, Yagami-kun. That's all there is to say."

Light frowned and scoffed. He scooted away-

and then immediately scooted back, grabbing a handful of panda bears and cramming them in his mouth. Spiteful offence in his eyes, petulance curling his features.

L supposed this was intended to be a _fuck you_ in L's own language. How very Kira-like of you Li-

A tongue flicked out. _"Mmmmm,"_ Light rubbed it in. A strawberry headed bear poked out of Light's mouth, and L's fingers flashed out, plucking it from between his lips. He gobbled it down, as quick as a wink. His white fingertips pressed against his own mouth, a smile of victory peeking up at the corners. L's irritation vanished. The strawberry ones were so good.

Light was looking at L like he'd just turned into a hippopotamus. Wearing ballet shoes.

"The strawberry ones are mine." L explained soberly, swallowing saliva that tasted blissfully of chocolate-coated strawberry and vanilla...and something minty. His eyes fell on a discarded mug by Light's computer. Peppermint tea.

Oh.

He ignored the look on Light's face. A look that wanted to close the quivering distance between them, and smother L's tastebuds with the encapsulating flavour of cocoa-vanilla currently coursing through his.

"My deepest apologies." He sounded snarky but his eyes flickered to L's lips.

The worry started up again, nibbling and then grinding at L's stomach. L suddenly wanted out of this moment. Anything to get out of this moment.

"You can make the cake." he said quickly. "One hour, tomorrow."

Light's face lit up.

"Really?"

"Really, Light-kun. But the rest of the team shall be working. I'll inform them. And we work late today, _all day."_

Light raised his hands in surrender. "You got it."

"But no more bears, Light-kun."

Light grinned, distinctly reminiscent of a wolf. L bit down a shudder.

Light nodded at the change of honorific. "That's better." And he rolled away back to his computer.

L breathed a sigh of relief, his thumb trailing its worn path to his chin. He worried his lip with his thumbnail. He was going to need a lot more sweets to get through the day.

* * *

 ** _Sorry for short chapter, I'm trying to get a wad of these out soon. Please review if you liked it! They make for happy rushi, and that makes for more chapters! Neat system, huh?_**

(and yes that was an Ender's Game reference in there, heh heh heh)


	6. Salted Caramel Kisses

_**This one is a bit poor and a bit weird, so I'm sorry for that. But this morsel should tide you over until next time.**_

* * *

"Ryuzaki, hand me that bag of sugar will you?" said Light, adjusting the weighing scales so that the dial pointed to zero. "We need to weigh it out." Light straightened and tugged the strings of his apron looser around his waist.

They were in the expansive and gleaming kitchen (one of many) of L's residency; utensils and ingredients were cluttering the counter-tops as if someone had simply overturned and emptied the contents of all the drawers all at once. And that was because someone had.

That someone had black hair. And a tendency to act childish when planted in a situation they didn't want to be in.

"Ryuzaki?" Light turned, waiting. L paused, a handful of sugar sifting between his fingers, its progress suddenly halting on its one-way journey to his mouth.

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Light snapped at him, "Gimme it." And he snatched the bag from L's two-fingered grip before any more could disappear. L wilted, looking grumpy.

"Light-kun's mean when he cooks," Ryuzaki snapped gloomily, "Another trait that I'm sure he shares with _Kira..."_

Light glowered at him. "I'm only being mean because you keep _eating_ the _ingredients_. We haven't even _started_ baking yet."

"Only the sugar."

 _"And_ the strawberries. And the caramel." Light reminded him sternly, rolling his eyes. (He'd moved the caramel curls back to the fridge - he'd had to _hide_ the strawberries). He measured out the dry ingredients, mixed them and then moved onto locating the other missing recipe items. They were probably buried under the mess of measuring spoons, tins and saucepans.

 _Ah, cake tins.._.

Light found them and put Ryuzaki to work, handing him the butter and greaseproof paper. He couldn't move too far away from him because of the blasted infernal chain, but he eventually found everything he was looking for. He glanced back at Ryuzaki; thick chunks of butter were clinging to each finger as he clumsily spread paper within the tins. He wasn't wearing an apron, nor did he seem concerned with protecting his clothes from getting mucky - Light however, knew how much his shirt cost and wasn't intent on losing it to strawberry juices or melted butter.

Ryuzaki's attitude to Light was bothering him. He'd been like it since yesterday but Light still couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. Though it wasn't all bad...It was amusing to watch him pout.

"Done, Light-kun." Ryuzaki announced, butter smeared all over his palms. Light looked at the cake tins, haphazardly stuffed with greaseproof paper. L hadn't used scissors, he'd just ripped everything.

"O..kay. Just _please_ wash your hands. Alright, oven's pre-heated...That's done, and that. I just need to whisk the mixture and then that can go in... And then I'll do the syrup." And before Ryuzaki could open his mouth to ask, he added "Not that kind of syrup, Ryuzaki."

L scowled. Light ignored him and plugged in an electric whisk. He had to whisk the mixture until it was well aerated; it had to be extremely light, and thick. Lots of bubbles. Light could do lots of bubbles. Easy.

After half an hour of furious whisking, murmured, muttered and shouted inflections of various curses and _still_ no bubbles, Light began to see pretty white lights fluttering about his vision.

"Damn. It. _All._ " he said witheringly. The whisk flung venomously from his grip; Light dropped it onto the counter as if it were a poisonous spider.

And the next ten minutes were spent swearing.

* * *

Watching Light-kun work was fascinating. For such an intelligent and innovative seventeen year old boy, with such highly impressive deducting skills for an individual of his age, he was positively _terrible_ at baking. He had absolutely no clue. That much was clear. Obviously the idea that witnessing his own mother bake gave him enough skill to do it himself was wilting just ever so slightly. And Light-kun seemed to know it himself; he was constantly frowning, muttering under his breath as he adjusted the scales, cursing the creamy mixture that just wasn't _mixing_ well enough to his standards. Light-kun had a small crinkle blemishing his forehead that furrowed between his brow, creasing his sunny skin, and it niggled at L. Niggled relentlessly. He wanted to press a fingertip to the spot and smooth it out again. But L kept his hands to himself, and kept his distance. L wasn't taking any chances. He lended a clumsy helping hand when needed, but otherwise he let Light work... If that was an appropriate word for what he was doing. It was terribly fascinating. Light-kun was bad at something. _Really_ bad. And it was a vulnerability, a weakness that L just craved to prod and push over the edge. Just to see what happened...

 _"Right."_ Light-kun sounded considerably exhausted. "I think that's the best I can do, it's not going to change its consistency no matter how fiercely I threaten it. This is as good as it's going to get." It sounded like a question. Light-kun raised his caramel head to look at L for some kind of confirmation. L nodded in what was hopefully an encouraging manner. He wasn't entirely sure what Light had just said, but thankfully he apparently looked like he was paying rapt attention. L _was_ paying rapt attention to Light-kun but not to his speech - it was to that annoying little fissure, winking out of Light's forehead. Also slightly distracting; tufts of Light-kun's hair were stuck to his skin from where he'd perspired (probably from the effort of beating a slop together in the vain hope that it would soon resemble cake after being heated at one hundred and eighty degrees Celsius). It was distracting because Light-kun was usually somewhat infatuated with perfecting his honeyed tresses, but now the mess of keratin on his head was anything but perfect. And L found he liked that a little too much to be appropriate.

 _"Ryuzaki!"_

L jumped. Light was glaring at him from the open door of the fridge, his hand lost in the snowy lights within. L looked down and realized he already had two fingers in the cake mixture. Ah. L blanched guiltily but nevertheless stole his fingers away and sucked the sweet moisture from his skin. His eyes widened in surprise. It tasted good. Surprisingly good.

"If you do that again, I'll chop those fingers off." Light-kun jabbed a butter knife in his direction and then whisked the mixing bowl away to stand for five minutes. _"No_ touching."

"Threatening a detective, Light-kun? Interesting." L did his best to scowl whilst licking his fingers. He sort of managed it. Hopefully.

"Shut _up."_

"A criminal offense you kn-"

 _"-Ryuzaki."_

 _"92%."_

Light shot daggers at L. L suspected that if he had a physical one, he probably would have thrown that as well.

"Keep talking and I _will_ be a criminal." Light-kun growled, brandishing the butter knife once more.

* * *

Light-kun was busy doing something at the cooker involving a saucepan. L didn't ask questions. L didn't need any answered. But the important thing was that he was _busy_ , and the mixture hadn't yet gone in the oven. It was probably L's last chance to strike. He didn't know why he was feeling so desperate to have another taste - it hadn't tasted _that_ good. Nothing on the cocoa-vanilla bears from Watari yesterday. But perhaps it was simply because Light-kun had put it together himself. It was all him. In those cake tins. L felt like squirming as soon as that thought entered his head and so he shook it straight out again. Thankfully Light didn't peer around to see L shaking his head like a dog trying to rid his body of water. That was good. He was still busy. Something with that saucepan. Steam. Water vapour rising in delicate whirls above the metal casing, making Light-kun look mystical. L carefully inched backwards. The difficult thing was keeping his manacled hand still so the chain didn't dance and pull Light-kun's wrist with it. Another tiny step. Almost there...

 _Success!_ Two fat cake tins, bursting with pools of creamy-white. L suppressed a grin and quickly whipped a finger paler than the cream into the cool depths. He made sure it was a big scoop, and then started nonchalantly back to his previous position, his finger to his mouth as he did so.

But Light was sneakier than L had expected. He flung himself around to face L and snatched his wrist before the raw cake could disappear past his lips. L's mouth was already open to eat. Light's grip was a vice. Part of L was thinking that if Light had been able, he'd probably be spitting venom.

"Don't. You. _Dare."_

L paused, his mouth gaping, his eyes moved from his dripping index to Light-kun's blazing eyes. Eyes that were expressing just how much injury L would experience if he proceeded with his current course of action.

"If you even _think_ about it..." _You're_ dead. L heard the whisper even though Light-kun didn't say it aloud. He glanced to his hand again, back to Light. He'd already made his decision. _Bring it._

L jerked his head forward, mouth already closing to seal the deal but Light had instead yanked L's arm away from him. And L's index vanished into Light's mouth. L started entirely at the sudden warmth and wet. Light-kun's eyes locked with his, the epitome of smug spreading over his features as his cheeks pulled in, sucking the flavour from L's skin. L's eyes widened and he suddenly made a noise similar to a whimper; he felt Light's tongue brush against his finger. Horridly he felt the pallor in his cheeks glow red. He felt the blush shiver up from his stomach lining all the way to the bridge of his nose, it burned over his cheeks and horrified L to the extent that he screamed curses in his head. Something he hadn't done in a long while. It wasn't productive.

And unfortunately, Light-kun noticed. He released L's finger from his tastebuds and stared, caught off guard. (Light had definitely not expected this reaction. He'd never even _seen_ Ryuzaki blush before. And here it was; a blazing rouge, shining from cheekbone, over nose, to cheekbone. Light swore for an entirely different reason in his head). Light-kun was still holding L's wrist, so L gently but quickly pulled his hand back, his index still crooked over the rest of his fingers. Wet with Light's saliva. L was still blushing. It made him furious but he couldn't stop the heat from rising to his face. He couldn't erase the feeling of Light's tongue from his skin. He felt his heartbeat racing. He felt he'd just finished a very exhausting and close game of tennis. Felt the familiar ache in his arms. He felt a lot. And he wasn't sure about what to do about the wetness of his finger - did he wipe it on his shirt? Just leave it so Light-kun's DNA dried on him? Sink into his own skin...

"Uhh.." L had so many thoughts buzzing around his skull, he hadn't even noticed Light drawing closer. Even though their gazes were locked together intently. He was so close, L almost yelped again. "..It.. It needs a bit more..ah..vanilla." Light-kun's voice was unbearably soft. L almost begged him to speak up, to scowl at him again. To berate him - anything. He didn't like where this was heading! They were too close! Light's _mouth_... On his _hand._ L was much too hot... And they were much too close to be comfortable. But Light still inched forwards, barely aware he was moving himself. His head started to tilt down to L's beckoning blush... To meet L's hunched posture. L raised not a familiar thumb, but instead pressed a slightly sticky index to his lip. He could almost _taste_ Li-

 _Static._

 _The world was flickering. Disappearing, and then re-materializing. Nothing was_

 _the same_

 _All_

 _never. Don't_

 _stop_

 _Gentle. Gentle be gentle be gentle be gentle_

 _Static._

 _The world was flickering. Disappearing, and then re-materializing. Nothing was_

 _the same_

 _All_

 _never. Don't_

 _stop_

 _Gentle. Gentle be gentle be gentle be gentle_

 _A whisper as loud as the roaring rush of a waterfall cascaded down the walls of L's mind. Please. Be gentle with me, but please_

 _don't hesitate._

* * *

 _ **I'm sorry for the lateness and also shortness of this chapter - I am hoping to get a nice stodgy meal of a chapter out around Christmas/New Year that is Christmas/New Year themed so please look forward to that! Thank you for reading, as always & please review!**_

 _ **Let me know your thoughts.**_

 _ **(If you're confused, it'll clear up next time.) Ja ne!**_


	7. You Look Just Like Trouble

**So... _January._ Yeaah I kinda fibbed. Sorry this chapter update didn't really work out the way I had wanted - I _know_ I promised an xmas/new years update but I had way too much eating and drinking to do over the holidays! ...But _Happy New Year!  
_ (I am still planning to do a New Year's themed chap just FYI)  
I'm not very happy with this chapter, nor the last one, but I wanted to get something readable out before I got any death threats. So I hope you like :D**

* * *

 _Let's dance, under the moonlight,  
_ _The serious moonlight_

 _If you say run, I'll run with you,  
And if you say hide_

* * *

Light was close enough that a whisper would tickle through L's eyelashes; a delicate rush of air that would cause them to flutter sooty footsteps against the white canvas of his skin, and prickle his eyes to water. But Light didn't whisper, he didn't utter a sound. Terrified that if he did, this moment would be lost forever. That if a single word or shiver penetrated the tentative air, this moment would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces, too intricate a puzzle for even L to solve. If he spoke, his common sense would awake; it would scream at him _why what are you doing stop stop stop stOP STOP_

If he spoke, Ryuzaki would wake too. And this chance would never be recovered. And Ryuzaki's finger, still damp from his own sputum, was touching his bottom lip. Which was so...

Captivating. Enticing. _Inviting.._

His mouth touched the warm wet of Ryuzaki's finger; brushed against the tender skin of his lips, and kissed gently. At their connection they came to life. It was like a wave of relief rippled through them. That _finally_ , this was happening, unbeknownst to both of them that they each wanted this. And it was okay. This moment was here, _now._

As they breathed sharply, Light brushed his hands up over L's arms, against the smooth, white cotton of his shirt, suddenly seeming so delicate and unnecessary. They settled on his shoulders; lithe, devious fingers trickling up his throat to finger his inky hair. Ryuzaki's usual mouth-magnetized hand gripped Light's jaw, his body leaning close into him. It was like moth wings brushing their lips, then Light's mouth opened on L's. And Ryuzaki gave way against him. Light kissed slowly, but at the same time hungrily, and L liked how Light tasted, the scent of his skin, the way his lips opened and closed, opened and closed. Light could feel life throbbing beneath his skin, with so much beautiful aching inside his body. He was floating on a river of light. They parted only naturally, with L shivering away, his face surprisingly open and vulnerable.

Light just spent a moment, air rushing heavily out of his lungs and parted lips, looking at Ryuzaki. His body felt heavy. Hot. Flushed. _Wanting_. He yearned to recapture the moment, by recapturing the rosy-pink skin, plump and soft, above L's snowy, curved chin.

"...L.."

Light's breath caught in a wary whisper.

"You're trembling."

Ryuzaki's body waved as a chill shuddered through the ivory webbing of his skin. He blinked slowly, the glazed look over his vacant eyes clearing away like early morning mist. It was as though, during their connection, his pansophical eye had departed to some secret dell hidden within his body, withdrawing to mull over in a petrified paroxysm of desire, this new and exact feeling of their two mouths moving, conjoined together in a delicate but tangible urgency. But now L had broken to the surface of those silky waters, spluttering back to the immediate reality, away from the eerie fantasy where balmy fingertips like tendrils tangled him in a dreamy darkness, so creamy with meadowsweet that he had no qualms in succumbing to the tender ecstasy knotting his body in nervous excitement.

Worry gnawed in Light's clavicle; an odd place for worry to circulate, but that was where the feeling had taken its tentacled hold. A juicy sucker on each white ligament, draining the succulent marrow with squelching ease.

"Ryuzaki... Are you alright?" Light held him by the shoulders and his austere head bobbed out a nod like a plastic pup on a dashboard. "I..I uh...I think the cake's ready to go in the oven now." he attempted brightly but sounding croaky.

Ryuzaki jittered out a nod again, stepped back from Light, his long arms limp at his side. Light had a niggling thought that perhaps he had broken him. He resisted the urge to slap him back into reality as he popped the cake-to-be into the oven, hot air buzzing out like angry bees to warm his face.

Kissing Ryuzkai had felt good, tasted good. Kissing _L._ Better than anything he'd ever consumed. And actually having L kiss him back; inexperienced and clumsy... but somehow with scarily skilled naivety. Light leaned against the humming cooker. They were awkward in silence.

"Light-kun-" Ryuzaki started in a hoarse murmur, hesitating. He tried again. _"Light,"_ he said, making direct ebony eye contact. "I'd like to be clear...and honest with you. Please don't do that again."

"What?"

"Don't do that, ever again." Ryuzaki's mouth set in a hard line.

Light's stomach flipped.

"And uh.. _What_ is it that I did, exactly?" he bristled, tugging Ryuzaki closer with his manacle.

L stiffened, rouge blossoming over his cheekbones. He kept murderously quiet, as if fighting an internal battle with himself; lips pressed firmly together to prevent any inward reflection out into the awkward air.

"Wow." Light whistled. "You're chaste in everything but the performance, aren't you?"

"You called me L." Ryuzaki managed, blushing furiously. Which made a difference. Light started. (Though admittedly some of him was feeling quite smug. For once, his complexion wasn't the one colouring outside the lines of the safety zone. It was Ryuzaki's that was misbehaving).

"Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot." Light flexed his fingers and stuffed them in his pockets, leaning against the counter; the heat from the cooker behind him warming his legs. "Won't happen again?" he offered, "Calling you L, I mean." His gaze anchored down to L's mouth, then jumping back up to a respectable spot. Though he could've stared in worse places...

Light couldn't help a cheesy grin creeping onto his face. He suddenly found their situation very amusing, and the temptation to close the distance between him and Ryuzaki was successfully clawing its way further and further up his body. Soon he might find himself acting on that impulse. Before, he'd found the idea of closer intimacy with Ryuzaki to be a hair-raising thought, and certainly one that made his skin burst into flames. But now he had done it, felt L's familiar smooth skin rub against his own, he just wanted more. _Is that a good thing?_

"Good. It shouldn't, Light-kun."

"Back to _-kun_ , is it?" Light muttered slyly, drawing nearer. He reminded L of a predator, eyeing up a particular tasty morsel. Light felt drunk. _What the fuck was happening to him?_ Oh, just go with it. Ryuzaki's brow puzzled together.

"Is that your only objection? That I called you by your pseudonym?"

L's mouth opened but no words came out. Light danced to Ryuzaki's toes, bare and curled against the creamy tiles of the kitchen. He wanted to take advantage of every blessed quirk in space and time, of every breath of atmosphere between them, to touch Ryuzaki. He hadn't even noticed that his body was acting for him on this coursing desire, and sweeping him along in the current. L watched slender brown fingers sleepwalking nearer and nearer, knuckles crooked, fingertips pitter-pattering the atoms in the air to touch home at L's chin. (A sudden memory of himself whispered to the front of L's mind; curled in a cushioned window-seat back in England, Wammy's House, sleepy gaze trailing upwards to a star-strewn sky as the rain trickled down the window pane, sounding like fingers drumming against the glass. _Let me in_. Wind and the wet growling a storm outside in the wilderness whilst L sat in the safety of what existed of home, in the firelight and the smell of candy-corn). _Safety_ , L thought, the nostalgia vanishing in an instant. Replaced by the gentle feeling of Light's index disappearing under the point of Ryuzaki's chin, and tilting his head upwards. Light was half-surprised that L allowed his feathered head to be manipulated by the whim of another human being. As L himself wondered that perhaps what he had felt wasn't a sudden flash of nostalgia, but rather an epiphany.

 _Let me in._

Should he let Light in?

The boy wasn't really waiting for an answer, as he pressed his body even closer to L's. But perhaps he was. Waiting for an answer. Waiting was what he was doing. A thin slice separated the two of them, almost cruel in the near-touch of their bodies, the closeness of their faces. Light's warm fingers waited; they brushed slowly under L's jaw, and lingered, curled in a caress, beneath his ear. _Let me in. Let me in._ L could see the demand singing in hazel pools of iris-light. Light was so close that L could see a little golden halo surrounding his pupil.

Perhaps the escape from the warmth, and into the danger of the wild was worth it. If just to smell the rain-cleaned earth.

This time L pressed his stuttering existence to the glamour of another's. He stole into the hollow of Light's body, Light instantly awake and eager. They touched together hard but slow, intent on imbibing and assimilating every particle of each other's soul and flesh. _Thoroughly._ L realised he was gasping, wet little noises at the back of his throat (after all this wasn't really his area of expertise), as Light drove his body forward, Ryuzaki's back, legs slipping in between others, so that L had a counter pressing into the base of his spine. Light guided a hand down to Ryuzaki's narrow waist, and L's stomach nearly leapt into his mouth. The sunny warmth slipped from the spot on his abdomen to lick all over his body. Goosebumps raised their tiny pinprick bodies to see what the fuss was all about. Light wrapped his arms tighter around L, encompassing his skinny frame to soothe the golden hairs from their stand to attention - L's temperature rose drastically (a garbled _"_ _a-ahh"_ escaping the purr of his throat). Light jutted his chin forward, engaging the soft flesh of L's mouth in finicky play; he still held a hand to support Ryuzaki's head, fingers threaded through the glossy locks (and tensing in a euphoric wince at every corresponding move L instigated), so the detective didn't lean away. L's hands were cramped into loose fists at the front of Light's shirt, forcing a shaft of space between them. Like a safety net. Light didn't like it. He wanted _no_ space. He was prepared to whine if necessary. But he thought a different approach might gain a better response. L made another gasp, this one sounding more like a moan - and Light was saved the effort of struggling with a different approach. In a sudden burst of hunger, L kissed Light back, parting his mouth wider and biting. His teeth -surprisingly sharp- nipped down at Light's lips, grazing the hot skin and wetness within. It made an incredulous smile flicker the corners of Light's groaning mouth upwards, and he licked his tongue out to sneak over L's lower lip but instead of skin, he met with the warm muscle of another.

Oh _dear god_ , L tasted good.

Light pressed into Ryuzaki's body more fiercely, his hands whipping down to instead wince and flex at the insomniac's back. And that made L shiver into him with another child-like noise of rapture, and his fists - those blasted hands keeping them a sliver apart - slid up to uncurl and wrestle together in Light's hair, elbows lifted over Light's shoulders, and Ryuzaki pressing, pushing all in, against him. And it felt so fucking good. Their bodies matched every line, every form, practically melded together. L's fingers susurrated through his hair, mushing it to chaos, and the feeling, the warmth against his scalp felt so beautiful, a low moan escaped the hum of his throat. Low and _thrilling._ L felt the back of his kneecaps go weak. His fingernails scraped the back of Light's neck, teasing the sensitive fuzz eloping from his chestnut hair. Light hissed, pulling back, breaths against the breaking skin of L's lips. Their mouths nuzzled, noses, skin, L felt the tickle of Light's eyelashes, butterfly wings floating against his cheek.

This touching-not-touching surprisingly held up for a while, and L was in danger of putting together a coherent thought. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) Light kissed him in again, pushing gently with his jaw as if to say _that's your cue,_ but he also pushed gently with his fingers that had slipped down L's hips. His thumbs circled up into the folds of L's shirt, rubbing needful rotations that disappeared under the opal material - L felt fingers like firelight stroke gentle arches along the dipping shadow of his hipbones. The sudden collision of flesh on hotter flesh (that had never suffered any touch other than the fleeting brush of L's own hands and the smooth cling of cotton, comforting to his skin) made L jerk so violently he could've trodden on a live wire and none would be the wiser. Accompanying the shock was a feeling like something bursting behind L's navel, and coiling lower. But another feeling hit like a whip of electricity, and dug its claws in, squealing out above all the others; panic. _PANIC._

 _what are you doing-?_

Light's touch to L's bare abdomen was only settling and L ripped from him, tearing over the succulent, tempting skin of his mouth; away from the fragrance of wet earth and fresh rain. From the musk of adolescence flowering into masculinity, that whiffed distinctively of warm honey. L kicked away, and Light stumbled across the tiles, hands splayed against the opposing glossy counter. They drew away from each other, L folding back into the safety of his skin, with aching veins.

Light was breathing hard through his mouth, his eyes looking bleary. They both expelled the over-excess of carbon dioxide, built up in their lungs from the lack of oxygen. The air felt thick.

"I-I'm," Light gasped in again, "I'm sorry, I. I didn't mean to go that far." His face was apologetic.

L gritted his teeth, trying to quiet the roaring, raging waves in his hammering heart. Heat was seeming to flood his lungs. He shook his head as if trying to rid his ears of salty water.

Light parted his mouth to start _L_ , but caught himself in time. "Ryuzaki-" _you kiss like wildfire_

L suddenly rushed towards him, Light felt a jolting sensation in his midriff, but L's attention was focused on his wrist. I need to breathe, I need to breathe. Space away, space away. _Get away get away get away get away_

 _no more, no more - no MORE-_

 _away_

There was a glint of silver, and Ryuzaki was speaking in his ear. "Don't talk about this." His voice was almost a question, a plead. But his eyes were darker than usual, eerie; unfathomable. There was a soft clink of metal, the scraped unhooking of a latch, _click._ Light looked down. A small, silver, key rested in Ryuzaki's palm. His hands vanished from Light's side - he hadn't even felt their skin connect or brush together. And that was because it hadn't. The biting circlet of metal spat out Light's wrist and withdrew to L. His left hand felt oddly light. _Free._ Stuffing the key and twin manacle into his jean pocket, L turned and walked out of the kitchen. The door swung shut behind him with a gentle _phhutt._

Light held his wrists in front of him. He rubbed his right thumb over the emptiness of his left arm. Pushed his sleeve down. Struggled to unravel his thoughts. Light squeezed his eyes shut, starbursts of colour glimmering in the darkness.

The oven alarm beeped. The cake was done.

Right.

* * *

 **So this chapter was pretty much just them making out. Yeaah.**

 _ **Complaints?**_


	8. We Were Born Sick

**_I have been busy. And I honestly think this chapter is shite but I wanted to just get something out. But It is 95% crap. So be warned. FUUUUU-_**

* * *

 _I have a ringing in my head  
_ _and no one to help me answer it  
_ _even when you're close enough to kiss_

* * *

 _He thinks he's made of candy_

* * *

L was simply buzzing.

He felt like a hive of killer bees had cracked open inside of him and their furry black-and-yellow bodies were swarming over his bones, buzzing their angry warble up into his brain and his ears. L felt the grinding rumble like an earworm, chewing away at his juicy flesh and eroding all rational logical thought. And it all made him feel fuzzy. He couldn't think straight.

For the first time in a very long while he wasn't eating. Watari was having great difficulty in getting him to even drink, and sometimes L simply just refused, clamping his mouth shut as if he were being asked to swallow a cockroach. Watari didn't unserstand it. Perhaps L was getting ill - but he had no temperature, no fever, no sickness bug. L had also been spending more time with Watari, or on his own, avoiding the others. Watari was surprised that he'd given Yagami-kun such free reign. They were no longer chained together. Which was . . . _odd._ To say the least. Watari had gotten quite used to the sight of them standing side by side. Ebony and . . . well, L was ebony and ivory all himself. The two of them were more like smoke and fire, and there _was_ no smoke without fire. And L knew more about fire than anyone.

"L, are you feeling all right ?"

"Yes, Watari."

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten anything today."

"I'm fully functional, thank you Watari."

"So . . . you don't want any of this dango I take it? Freshly made . . I have all your favourite toppings . . ?"

L sniffed the air cautiously. He shuddered. ". . . No. Thank you."

Watari bowed his head solemnly, emitting a little sigh as he did so. He placed the sweet-laden silver tray back on the service trolley. He'd used the biggest one in his efforts to tempt L.

"I'll leave it all here, in case you change your mind." Watari pushed his spectacles further up the bridge of his nose, peering around L's computer screen to glimpse its opulent owner. "I presume you shall be spending the rest of the evening in here again?" Here was L 's own private quarters - elaborate king-sized bed never slept in, adjourning office, bathroom and kitchen, all equally exquisite but not a pen nor paper, or speck of dust in each room disturbed. L had never used these rooms. Until now, Watari wallowed. Until three days ago Here stood two floors separate, and away from the Yagami-san and the others of the task force. Watari had been telling them that L was ill and, not wanting to affect any of the others with his suffering, had retired briefly to regain his strength.

"Yes Watari," L nodded to him. Watari recognised his dismissal and started towards the door, his weary eyes flicking back to the young detective. So often, without meaning to, Watari forgot that L was now a grown man, no longer a teen or a child. But so often he still saw the little boy from the flames. It had been too long since Watari had seen those onyx eyes smile with happiness. Kira had a lot to answer for. Worry gnawed at Watari, and it shone behind his spectacles as he turned to leave the room.

"I shall inform the others."

The door closed quietly behind him but it sounded giant in the silence of L 's expansive quarters. L breathed out something of a sigh of relief now that he was alone. He felt strangely wobbly. Like an elastic band was knotted around the base of his spine sending his nerves into spasm and all sorts of haywire. He breathed in again as deeply as he breathed out, and tasted the sweet stickiness of hmmmm . . . dango. Fresh, and hot . . L 's mouth watered; his tongue suddenly swimming in saliva. But his stomch groaned like a sword grinding at a whetstone. He was so empty and hungry, but the thought of eating, actually consuming food had him retching at the sink.

But _dango_ , he whined.

Perhaps something sweet would help ease the vibrations in his head; soothe the constant thrum in his body, the ache in his muscles. He imagined the soft pounded rice dough touch his lips, tingle on his tongue and -though his stomach wrenched in his mid-riff- he was at the food trolley in a flash.

Dango slathered in chocolate, strawberries, dipped in anko - Watari had even put out a plate of Mitarashi dango that was L 's favourite winter snack - L ate it all in something akin to a fine frenzy. Then washed it down with a few strawberry Daifuku and anko and custard filled Taiyaki. He gulped down the sugar and tangy sweetness like nectar from the flowers. L sucked the stickiness from his fingers, his stomach gurgling. He tasted salt and searched the tray for the delicacy it had come from. He tasted it again on his lips. It was then that he became aware of the wetness on his face, the tears streaking down his cheeks. His vision was blurry; the lunch trolley suddenly shifting out of focus and the stinging at his eyelids finally hit his brain to inform him of the sensation. He was crying. Once L had realised it became difficult to stop. In fact the choking icy feeling just seemed to smack into him harder, driving his torso to bend in half and he quickly stuffed a riceball into his face, followed by another. A searing pain shot through his abdomen, striking the lump in his throat and L gagged.

Oh no. Not onigiri. . . He scrambled to the bathroom, his knees hitting the hard tiles as he threw the lid off the toilet and vomited up every scrap of food he'd swallowed. Sweat broke out on L's forehead as he retched and coughed, sobs mingling in with everything else that came out of his mouth. _Maybe I really am ill_ , a tiny surprised part of L pondered, the idea sounding so far away from the rushing roar sounding in his ears. Was he near a waterfall?

Concentrating hard on throwing up, L was barely aware of a comforting warm weight on his arching back. A familiar shape though it was.

"You really are ill, aren't you? When I saw all the sweets I thought . . But-"

The rushing noise suddenly stopped, and something silvery appeared at the edge of L's peripheral. A brown hand proffering a glass of water. L groaned, nausea and newly born anxiety shivering the acid waters in his stomach but clawing their way up his torso, vertebrae after vertebrae. A rancid taste lined his mouth like bile.

"Here," The glass of water pushed its cold smoothness against the skin of L 's neck, "Drink this. Wash your mouth out." L started at the sudden cold and pulled away from the toilet bowl. He eyed the owner of the voice thickly through squinted eyelids - he'd squeezed his eyes shut so tight when he was retching that they hurt to open properly. Light was bending over him, concern crinkling the skin around his almond eyes. The coldness persisted at L's throat and he raised a trembling hand to take it. He took a shaky sip. Everything was shaking. L was also dimly aware of a warm wetness sticking the front of his top to him, and looking down, almost retched again. He'd gotten sick on his chest. L groaned weakly, cringing his face away, pushing back against the porcelain of the toilet, his fingers gripping the rim so tightly he was convinced either it or the bones in his fingers would crack.

"L -uh sorry- Ryuzaki? Are you okay?"

L grimaced, an entirely new broiling sensation enveloping his body. He felt the damp hairs at his scalp sticking to his forehead. His eyes were closed but he didn't want to open them just yet.

"Are you all finished?"

L teetered out a nod, not wanting to open his mouth either - afraid of what might gurgle out instead of coherent words.

"Okay, come on then," Light said gently and hands suddenly gripped L under the armpits, hoisting him easily to his feet. L's knees felt like bags of water, and his legs buckled as soon as Light stepped away.

"I can't . . . My legs are weak. I just need to sit do-"

"-No, come on. You can't sit on a cold floor," Light took L's arm and wrapped it around his neck, holding clammy fingers firmly with his left hand, supporting L around the waist with his right. L began a weak protest but Light quickly shut him up.

"Don't be stupid Ryuzaki, you're not well. You should be in bed. Or at least in some warmer clothes." Light walked him back into the living/bedroom, and L staggered finally onto the plump bed. It took a great deal of restraint to leave his feet touching the floor; L yearned for nothing more than to pull his knees against his chest and wrap an arm around them; to anchor a thumb against his lip. But he was shaking, his legs limp, and his mouth tasting sour.

"Okay, stay there - I'll get you some mouthwash."

L rinsed his stinking mouth out and spat into the glass Light provided - thinking this would probably have made more sense to do whilst still in the bathroom, but he gave Light points for ingenuity - before Light pulled him to his feet. Thankfully, L remained upright after the seventeen year old whisked away to rifle through chests of drawers.

"Why is there nothing _in_ any of these? It's all just . . empty!"

"I. ." L swallowed thickly, still feeling the queasiness seep from every pore in his body. "I have never used these rooms. . before."

Light glanced to him, his honey head of hair falling into his eyes. "And . . now?"

L stared blankly at him, his gaze widening out into stating the obvious. "Because of my poor health, Light-kun." Not you. Not because of you. Nothing to do with you at all.

Light nodded furiously, as if trying to convince himself of a complex answer to an algebra equation. "Right," He turned instead to the tall wardrobe in the corner of the room. "Do you not have any - ah, here's some." Light snatched a long-sleeved white t-shirt off a coat hanger and strode back over to L.

"Let's get you cleaned up," he said, throwing his find on the bed and then, with L 's limp unhelpful help, he slowly lifted the grossly stained material up over L's head, releasing his thin arms from the sleeves in the process. Glancing away, Light chucked the shirt into the open bin by (what he guessed was) L 's swiftly vacated desk. L picked up the new top, his fingers clumsy from sudden exhaustion and swirling nerves, spinning like a whirlpool in his head, round and round...

Light snatched the bunched material from L, standing toe-to-toe with him, and pinched the head-hole open with a forefinger and thumb. He was trying desperately, ferociously so, not to stare at L's bare chest.

He was so _white._ But not as malnourished as Light had thought before - but this was only to mean that he couldn't see _all_ of L's ribs through his skin. But the paleness! Even his nipples were pale. Light pushed the top down over L 's head and L nuzzled into the softness of the fabric. He stuffed his arms through the sleeves, fingers clinging to the cuffs, and Light pulled it down over his back and to his hips. His fingers touched his skin. L didn't even notice. He felt like he was battling off an oncoming cloud of fog, descending over his head, paralyzing his arms and legs. He squinted at Light and opened his mouth to say something along the lines of _thank you_ or _go away_ but his tongue felt heavy.

"You okay? L?"

L shook his head, the room swaying from side to side. Everything slipped too far to the left. Was he still standing up?

"Whoa," Light caught L as he stumbled, "L? Are you alright?"

"Don't-" someone with a voice very like L's started angrily.

"Yeah, yeah," Light muttered, batting aside L's feebly protesting arm. He scooped L up into his arms as if he were an infant and cradled him to the pillows of the bed. "Don't call you L, Ryuzaki I know."

Light carefully deposited Ryuzaki onto the mattress, peeling back the endless sheets and blankets so L could squirm his way in. He folded them over him, pulling the quilt right up to his chin. L's eyes were closed. He was breathing through his mouth. Light refilled the glass of water and nabbed a hand towel from the bathroom, placing these things on the bedside table near L's head. After a moment's hesitation he grabbed the bin and sat it on the carpet beside the detective too. Just in case..

"I'm fine, Light-kun.." L mumbled, his voice sounding thick and cloudy. His eyes didn't open.

Light rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure you are." But he knelt on the squishy rug at L's bedside. Without thinking he stroked the damp hair away from L's face and out of his eyes. L made no sound other than a slightly more husky exhale, and Light let his fingers linger, trailing kisses down the side of his face. He took his hands away, and hit by a blessed urge, a quirk hooking him behind his navel, he leaned forward and kissed the lonely freckle on L's jaw beneath his ear. L's skin was hot.

Then he stood, and left the room. But he paused in the doorway, looking back. His sleeves rolled up, his brown hair ruffled from where he'd run his hands through it, Light looked over to the sleeping L. A messy inkblot of black lost in a sea of white.

Sighing, and reflecting that there must be something severely mentally wrong with him, Light shut the door again and sat in the striped armchair the other side of the bed. After glancing warily at the man he'd spent a (colourful) plethora of weeks handcuffed to, he leant an elbow on the chair arm and let his chin fall into his palm. Falling into a doze, Light ruminated blearily on the bizarre fact that the greatest detective in the world looked about twelve years old when he slept.

But Light nodded, and the room fell away.

He would be there all night, and he would be there when L waked up in the morning.

* * *

 **Harper Lee died this month, and it made me very sad. Her writing stayed with me all through my school years, and going back and re-reading TKAMB feels in a strange way like returning home.**


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